A NIHILIST

Here right here, I plummet on the edge of my intents,
You see it is curving out of my track of cognition and sense.
I’m not what you preach I ought to be, in ways humans wish to,
You’ll fear as I let you discern, the unlike rush behind this fence.

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Don’t know why but sure did I crave for lights to fade,
when I wondered if some purpose exists inside my head.
It showed a ladder hanging from clouds of happy and content,
Don’t scream to see that ladder burn, I’ve lit it to the sky from my bed.  

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I know you’d thought of climbing it up to the clouds,
but your sanity hasn’t been quite a treat I’m blessed with. 
Strained to believe in the delusion of fire and ashes,
I’ve seen my thoughts surrendering to crisis and deathly myths.

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No, but I believed in God, the truth and the meaning of life,
Till you crushed my state of confidence and blamed the noble acts.
‘Seemingly inferior’ stated the mirror of truth on my existence,
Why would I accept your world of disgust, and not have my sense to distract.

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So like a dog on a street, I’ll chase cars on a fleet,
With no reason you’ll see me yelling at life’s dynamic beats.
Your idea of allotting meaning to all has tagged me a name of sinner,
But I refuse to feel sane and inferior, running away with my bleeding feet.

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The way you interpret life with music and dance seems like a neurotic pretense,
The rhythm feels against my survival, so all around I light fire in defense.
When I seek a static state in the cyclone of murderous thoughts,
Don’t worry I’ll shoot my own head after teaching myself a nihilistic sense. 

~Shubhanshu Vijay